The following was written by my wife Eve and republished here due to Posterous shutting down.
YOU Are Enough
Why is it that some people are dwarfed and thwarted by self-doubt? More times than not, these are
people who are beautiful, inside and out, with amazing creative minds, with skills beyond those of a mere mortal.
And then you get people who don’t register on my radar, and they are the happiest, most self-confident people in
the world, without a care in the world.
I have recently started dating again, after coming out of a long-term relationship. Putting yourself out there again
is one scary experience. Especially if you are anything like me, where at your best you doubt the existence of the
possibility that anyone may be honestly interested in you; and at your worst you hate your deepest guts. Where you
are swayed between being a happy person with no care in the world and being the person who shoulders all of the
To cut a long story short, I met two men at around the same time. The first one, a 37-year-old van driver. Super
confident, happy with himself, happy with his life. I poked and prodded for about a week, in my vain desire to find
the ‘hidden layer’ to him. Needless to say, I never found one. He doesn’t like reading books, never speaks
about music, is not creative, the one and only thing that makes him happy is to be with a pretty girl, he has no
ambition for his job or life, doesn’t care about much more beyond himself (the one thing he was interested in
about me was whether I shave down below). He told me I was lucky to have met him. o.O
I envy him. I would be a happier person if I could just accept life for what it is, and enjoy the simple pleasures
in life. I would also most likely end up killing myself or dying of boredom. You know that things are not going well
when you are hoping the guy will turn out to be a footie fanatic. At least then he’d be passionate about
The second guy was a 26-year-old geeky-type. A guy who produces artwork so mind-boggling, understands concepts that
I have never even contemplated, cares deeply for people around him. He couldn’t be boring if he tried. He has
varied interests, can hold a meaningful conversation without a problem. A guy with a mind so quirky that it makes me
smile whenever I think about it. Ask him any question about computers and he will most likely have the answer. He
will gladly help anyone with their computer problems, without charging them for the help (despite this being his
job), and then will look at me as if it was inconceivable when I ask him why he doesn’t charge, with the disarming
reply ’why would I charge, it didn’t cost me anything' (yes, I felt my heart melt then). He cares about what I
think or how I live my life. And yet this man is convinced he isn’t doing enough. He has this notion of somehow
having to be someone else to spark a girl’s interest in him. Because to him, just being himself doesn’t seem
I wonder if this is a reflection on females or on the society as a whole. Have we (women/people) really got so bad
that we don’t see past appearances/possessions/status anymore? How is it that people with beautiful minds will sit
at home, thinking they have nothing to offer a potential partner?
Maybe it is me. Maybe I am ‘wired wrong’. Maybe my values are wrong — they certainly don’t seem to be
fitting in with today’s world’s. And maybe I don’t care. Maybe (just maybe) somewhere deep down I love the way
I am. I don’t see why I should change just so someone likes me. Surely if I change for someone, then I am not
‘me’ anymore. And if we lose our ‘true selves’, then what are we left with? An empty shell that will break
at the first sight of a storm.
What is it that makes you you? Treasure it because it is all you’ll have left one day. Treasure it because it is
beautiful. It is enough. YOU are enough.